dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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