So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
