if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
