i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
