update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
