I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
