how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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