I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
