i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
