I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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