so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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