Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
