she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
