he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
