first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
