we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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