Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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