I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
