you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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