You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
