I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
