Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
