My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
