i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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