Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
