Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
