Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
