I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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