hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
