If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
