1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
