remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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