I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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