I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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