After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
