i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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