they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You can't just leave with hair like that
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
