Pappa wants mamma naked
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
