you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
