Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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