I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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