I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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