oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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