What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
