i just had sex bonerless
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
