I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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