She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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