the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
