I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
