with your own penis?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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